On Breastfeeding.
My babygirl has been breastfed since birth. I consider us to have been blessed that she never needed so much as a drop of formula to eat. But that wasn't easy. Breastfeeding was incredibly painful for the first five weeks of her life. And then, when I returned to work, I had to pump my milk to bring home so her daddy could feed it to her the next day. Breastfeeding (once past the initial blistered-nipple phase) is warm, wonderful, intimate and loving. Pumping? Not so much. Here, for your edification, is a picture of my breastpump, which has by now spent more quality time with my boobs than my husband, who has shared my life for fifteen years: 
I hook myself up to this thing three times a day while at work, for about ten minutes each time. That's an improvement - at first it was FOUR times a day until babygirl started eating solid food. It makes this rhythmic mechanical sucking noise, and I can watch the milk jetting out. Only, I don't. It weirds me out. Instead, I just listen for the dripping sound to stop before I shut the machine off. On an average day, I pump about 12 to 15 ounces.
Once I started pumping, I also started having supply issues. I always managed to have enough for babygirl's meals for the next day, but often it was a close thing and I panicked that she was going to go hungry. It was causing me misery on a daily basis, which further served to diminish my supply. So, after much research and with much trepidation, I went online and purchased a drug called Motilium, brand name for domperidone. This wonderful stuff is meant to address gastric problems, but has the side effect of upping your secretion of prolactin, which in turn stimulates breastmilk production. The only problem is that it's not FDA approved for this use, or for any use. There was a study in which rats injected with massive amounts of domperidone for lengthy periods of time developed cancer. Bah! That's not how breastfeeding women use the stuff. Lots of lactation experts recommend it without reservation when necessary. There's one website from which you can buy Motilium without a prescription for a fairly reasonable price, so I gave it a try.
All of a sudden, supply was no longer an issue. I was pumping enough to lay in a good freezer stash to fall back on! And the babygirl was nursing longer, looking more satisfied at the end, and putting on weight faster than ever. Life was good. Everything boob-related was perfect. I went through that shipment and two more. And then... My next shipment didn't arrive. My milk supply tanked, just a bit more than no milk at all.
By now, babygirl was 13 months old. I thought, oh well, maybe it's time to wean anyway. I fell back on my freezer full of stashed milk, rationing it out on a slowly diminishing basis. The only problem is that babygirl is clearly not ready to wean. She kept demanding to nurse, fussing when my milk ran out after a couple of short minutes. She became fussy and unhappy. She slept poorly. She frequently didn't finish her bottles of defrosted milk, and fought taking those bottles from me at all. And me? Well, I missed the breastfeeding as much as she did. I didn't realize how much I love the intimacy and how much satisfaction I get out of providing her with custom-made perfect nutrition until I no longer could.
I got a letter from the FDA telling me that they had stopped my Motilium shipment from overseas, and would be returning it to the sender. I wrote the company, who promised to re-ship it right away. And I vented my frustration by posting on a bulletin board for pumping moms which has supported me through this whole pumping odyssey, in response to which one very generous mom mailed me an extra box of Motilium to get things going again, and wouldn't even accept any payment for it. Well, I couldn't get her package open fast enough once it arrived. My milk came right back, thank god. My babygirl nursed like a fiend once the milk returned. And - cutest thing! - started giving me "thank you" kisses after finishing her last nursing session before bed. Then, last night, my replacement shipment arrived. I now have enough to keep babygirl in milk for another two months. Believe me, I won't wait so long before ordering my next shipment.
Now, the drudgery of pumping no longer seems so bad. I'm happy to be able to do it at all, and I will keep doing it until my babygirl lets me know she is ready to give up nursing altogether. Not all moms are fortunate enough to be able to breastfeed. For those women, the availability of good, nutritious, inexpensive formula is a blessing. But I know how blessed we were to have this breastfeeding relationship, and I will do whatever I need to do to maintain it until my babygirl is good and ready to let it go.
I hook myself up to this thing three times a day while at work, for about ten minutes each time. That's an improvement - at first it was FOUR times a day until babygirl started eating solid food. It makes this rhythmic mechanical sucking noise, and I can watch the milk jetting out. Only, I don't. It weirds me out. Instead, I just listen for the dripping sound to stop before I shut the machine off. On an average day, I pump about 12 to 15 ounces.
Once I started pumping, I also started having supply issues. I always managed to have enough for babygirl's meals for the next day, but often it was a close thing and I panicked that she was going to go hungry. It was causing me misery on a daily basis, which further served to diminish my supply. So, after much research and with much trepidation, I went online and purchased a drug called Motilium, brand name for domperidone. This wonderful stuff is meant to address gastric problems, but has the side effect of upping your secretion of prolactin, which in turn stimulates breastmilk production. The only problem is that it's not FDA approved for this use, or for any use. There was a study in which rats injected with massive amounts of domperidone for lengthy periods of time developed cancer. Bah! That's not how breastfeeding women use the stuff. Lots of lactation experts recommend it without reservation when necessary. There's one website from which you can buy Motilium without a prescription for a fairly reasonable price, so I gave it a try.
All of a sudden, supply was no longer an issue. I was pumping enough to lay in a good freezer stash to fall back on! And the babygirl was nursing longer, looking more satisfied at the end, and putting on weight faster than ever. Life was good. Everything boob-related was perfect. I went through that shipment and two more. And then... My next shipment didn't arrive. My milk supply tanked, just a bit more than no milk at all.
By now, babygirl was 13 months old. I thought, oh well, maybe it's time to wean anyway. I fell back on my freezer full of stashed milk, rationing it out on a slowly diminishing basis. The only problem is that babygirl is clearly not ready to wean. She kept demanding to nurse, fussing when my milk ran out after a couple of short minutes. She became fussy and unhappy. She slept poorly. She frequently didn't finish her bottles of defrosted milk, and fought taking those bottles from me at all. And me? Well, I missed the breastfeeding as much as she did. I didn't realize how much I love the intimacy and how much satisfaction I get out of providing her with custom-made perfect nutrition until I no longer could.
I got a letter from the FDA telling me that they had stopped my Motilium shipment from overseas, and would be returning it to the sender. I wrote the company, who promised to re-ship it right away. And I vented my frustration by posting on a bulletin board for pumping moms which has supported me through this whole pumping odyssey, in response to which one very generous mom mailed me an extra box of Motilium to get things going again, and wouldn't even accept any payment for it. Well, I couldn't get her package open fast enough once it arrived. My milk came right back, thank god. My babygirl nursed like a fiend once the milk returned. And - cutest thing! - started giving me "thank you" kisses after finishing her last nursing session before bed. Then, last night, my replacement shipment arrived. I now have enough to keep babygirl in milk for another two months. Believe me, I won't wait so long before ordering my next shipment.
Now, the drudgery of pumping no longer seems so bad. I'm happy to be able to do it at all, and I will keep doing it until my babygirl lets me know she is ready to give up nursing altogether. Not all moms are fortunate enough to be able to breastfeed. For those women, the availability of good, nutritious, inexpensive formula is a blessing. But I know how blessed we were to have this breastfeeding relationship, and I will do whatever I need to do to maintain it until my babygirl is good and ready to let it go.
posted by Susan D. at 4:02 AM
1 Comments:
Wow. What a saga! I understand, though. I can't think of anything I wouldn't go through to protect my ability to breastfeed. I have never experienced such peace and satisfaction as when I'm feeding Tessa. I get really choked up when I think of her weaning!
Post a Comment
<< Home