Trying to become a bigger-hearted person.
I hate feeling the way I do about Babymama. Really, she isn't a bad person. She can actually be really nice. Case in point: Friday, it snowed like a bastard. It took me 4 hours to get home; usually only takes 1 1/2. Anyway, I called home while sitting in a parking lot that usually is a main street, mostly just to bitch about the situation. Babymama happened to answer. I asked, jokingly, if she could make sure there was something refreshing and alcoholic ready for me to drink when I walked in the door because I was going to need it by then. She could tell I was wound up, so she went upstairs, rounded up my sister-in-law, and together they CLEANED MY APARTMENT. Just because they thought it would help me relax and feel better once I finally got home. And you know what? It really did.
Babymama didn't ask to be put in the situation she's in. Now, on top of everything else, her car died on Friday and she can't get herself to work or the holy terror to preschool. I don't know how she's going to deal with this situation. But I'm trying to find a welcoming, warm place in my heart for them both because I hate the way I feel like an evil bitch whenever I think about them, or see them, or get aggravated by them. Yes, Babymama is a chronic maker-of-bad-choices. But hindsight is 20/20, right? I think she just did what she felt she had to do at the time, and grabbed what little fun or pleasure she could on those rare occasions it was available to her. (Yes, she's had a much harder life than I have, too.) I'm trying to take to heart that prayer that goes "God grant me the strength to change what I can change, the patience to handle what I cannot, and the wisdom to know the difference." I don't see how I can change this situation, so I REALLY need to develop a lot more patience than I currently have. She's really not trying to make my life harder - and as hard as things sometimes feel for me, hers is ten times harder and always has been.
On a happier note, I took the babygirl to the park to play in snow for the first time. (We have a yard, but we also have a 125-lb. dog, so our snow is now far from virgin and white!) I took her to a big, open expanse of dazzlingly white, untouched snow in the middle of the park. She seemed to like it well enough, but missed the point of playing with it. She mostly just sat down and ate snow, as fast as she possibly could. I made a little snowball and threw it at her; she picked it up and ate it like it was a ball of ice cream. Anyway, it made for some cute pictures.
Babymama didn't ask to be put in the situation she's in. Now, on top of everything else, her car died on Friday and she can't get herself to work or the holy terror to preschool. I don't know how she's going to deal with this situation. But I'm trying to find a welcoming, warm place in my heart for them both because I hate the way I feel like an evil bitch whenever I think about them, or see them, or get aggravated by them. Yes, Babymama is a chronic maker-of-bad-choices. But hindsight is 20/20, right? I think she just did what she felt she had to do at the time, and grabbed what little fun or pleasure she could on those rare occasions it was available to her. (Yes, she's had a much harder life than I have, too.) I'm trying to take to heart that prayer that goes "God grant me the strength to change what I can change, the patience to handle what I cannot, and the wisdom to know the difference." I don't see how I can change this situation, so I REALLY need to develop a lot more patience than I currently have. She's really not trying to make my life harder - and as hard as things sometimes feel for me, hers is ten times harder and always has been.
On a happier note, I took the babygirl to the park to play in snow for the first time. (We have a yard, but we also have a 125-lb. dog, so our snow is now far from virgin and white!) I took her to a big, open expanse of dazzlingly white, untouched snow in the middle of the park. She seemed to like it well enough, but missed the point of playing with it. She mostly just sat down and ate snow, as fast as she possibly could. I made a little snowball and threw it at her; she picked it up and ate it like it was a ball of ice cream. Anyway, it made for some cute pictures.
posted by Susan D. at 4:25 AM
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