How did I get here?

I don't even know how to start this blog. My first entry should really be a hip, funny, polished introduction to me and my life. But I haven't been hip, funny or polished in a long time - since about 5 months before my 13-month-old daughter was born. I think I've forgotten how. I packed my hip and my funny and my polish carefully in cedar chips along with my expensive size-ten suits and put them in the basement when I graduated into maternity wear. Eighteen months later, I'm nowhere ready to retrieve them. So I wear my new dowdy frowsy awkwardness along with my K-Mart and Target cheapo suits and my saggy nursing bras, and every now and then I wonder, how did I get here? Why did I make the choices I made? And more importantly, am I happy with the outcome?

At 35, I'm a seriously lapsed Jew with a goy stay-at-home-dad for a husband, a house in a not-so-great neighborhood currently sheltering way too many people, living paycheck to paycheck even as a professional, working for the government instead of for a glamorous big firm, relying far too heavily on credit cards, and learning to mother possibly the most beautiful and funny and smart baby girl who ever was or will be. I question the choices that led to all but the last of these. Could I have been gifted with my wonderful baby girl without taking on all these other burdens and mixed blessings? I think the answer is "probably not." She is my silver lining. The deep, plush, soft, warm, baby-scented silver lining of the ratty coat that is my life.

Here's a few pictures for your amusement.





Thanks for stopping by. Take a minute to say hi and let me know you're out there. Feel free to come back any time. I promise to have a fresh pot of coffee brewing when you get here.